she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
