the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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