Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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