Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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