I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
