Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
