This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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