I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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