I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
