You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
