I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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