I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
