Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my sisters under your porch take her home
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
