come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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