I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
