Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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