Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize