i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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