I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
