I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
