Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
