I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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