I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
