I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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