Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
