idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize