I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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