Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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