if you like me you must not know who I am
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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