yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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