I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
