Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
