So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
