I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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