Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
