She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
