at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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