i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
