Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
