Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
