Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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