I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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