I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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