Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
