well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Never underestimate the power of titties
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