I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
