I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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