As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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