Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
