My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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