I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
