how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My liver just had a heart attack.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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