I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Come share oat with me in your robe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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