i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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