everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
