Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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