I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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