I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
