My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
