drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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