I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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