I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
