you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
