Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
