I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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