I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
