Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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