Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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