i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
