She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize