so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
