I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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