i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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