and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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