dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
