I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
