Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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