I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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