if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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