upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
