I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
