How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
