you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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