If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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