Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
