I look better un-naked...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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