he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
