I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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