then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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