I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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