Kiss
Puke
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
