I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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