It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
