so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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