dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize