I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
