he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
