mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
