I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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