You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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