dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
