If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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