If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize